Anatomy Lesson
by tie-dye-flag
Summary: Hero and the gang take a breather at The House of Paint to care for the sickly Assok, when Dial drops in uninvited. The girl can't turn down his invitation to play in the snow, however, so she and the radio mic man have some fun out in the nippy weather. At the suggestion of building snowmen, Dial decides to use the opportunity to give Hero a little anatomy lesson.


**As always, I do not own tpoh nor the characters.**

* * *

"Madras, why must _I_ be the one to hold this?" RGB hissed, holding a small mug of hot chocolate at an arm's length as if it would explode on him.

"Because my hands are full with this," Madras held up an armful of white, wooly fabric in her arms. "And your hero insists on these items."

"RGB! Madras!" Hero's voice echoed from the living room of The House of Paint.

"We're coming, we're coming, just be patient." RGB huffed and walked behind Madras. They entered the lobby, where the eight year old hero sat in front of a crackling fire and a chihuahua sized dog bed. When she heard their footsteps, she turned her head with wide eyes.

"Do we have any tissues?"

"Hero, we have a hot beverage, bed, and blanket for Assok. I'm sure he'll be fi-"

"Ack-CHOO!"

The girl whipped back around to the bed. Curled up in the middle was Assok, shivering and sniffling. He looked up at the three giants before him with puppy sad eyes.

"See, Assok needs tissues!" Hero insisted. "He's caught a cold!"

"Ack old!" The sock puppet cried and wiped his nose on his other end. "Tish ues!"

"Well, I'll get them if you take _this_ from me," RGB held out the mug to the girl, mentally begging her to take it. His prayers were answered as the girl's soft hands wrapped around the red ceramic and placed it in front of Assok's sick bed. The sock wormed his way to it and dipped his lips into the sweet liquid. He immediately jerked back with a cry of pain and a chocolate stained mouth.

"Ah! Hothot _hot!_ "

Hero blinked and looked up at RGB. "He needs a straw!"

RGB rubbed where the base of his neck should have been. " _Sigh_...calm down, Hero-"

"I'll get one!" Hero jumped to her feet and ran off in the direction of the kitchen.

"...You know, she'd grow up to be a wonderful mother." Madras said as she stuffed her thick blanket around the bed and Assok. Now, he looked as if he was buried in a pile of sheep wool.

"Thanku!"

"Thank Hero." RGB crouched over the bed as he spoke. "She was the one who ordered us to give you all this."

"Thank here'oh!"

"You're welcome!" Hero chirped, back with a blue straw and box of tissues. She ran to the bedside, placed the straw into the mug, and plucked a tissue out. The girl held it in front of Assok's face and gently commanded, "Blow your nose."

"Ack-KBBBT!" When he pulled his nose away, he saw lint filled snot in the tissue.

"Better?"

"Bett-ah...ah...ah-!" Assok buried his nose back into the tissue when he sneezed.

"...she would make a good mother…" RGB whispered to Madras as the girl tended to the sock puppet.

 _KNOCK, KNOCK!_

Madras blinked as the sound from the front door boomed through the air. "That's odd...usually you're my only customer." She glanced at RGB, who merely shrugged.

"Would you like for me to get it?"

"That would be nice."

"Very well. I'll be right back," RGB walked away as Madras sat down cross-legged by Hero.

"I never knew sock puppets could get sick…" The cyclops leaned on one elbow as she stared.

"Me neither." She paused while stroking Assok on the head. "...Can RGB get sick?"

"Not that I know of, but he sneezed on me one time."

"R-really?" Hero asked between giggles. "How?"

"I was wearing a new perfume another customer gave me as payment. When RGB dropped by...well, long story short, he ruined my favorite sweater."

"Pffk-!" The girl slapped a hand to her mouth to hide her grin. "So he sneezed his color stuff on yo-"

 _SLAM!_

Hero, Madras, and Assok turned their heads in the direction of the sound. They saw RGB march down the stairs with a disgusted arc on his screen. Over the sound of his heavy footsteps on the stairs, they heard an insistent "AW, C'MON CUZ! IT'S JUS' YOUR FAV FAMILY MEMBER!" from outside.

"Is that Dial?" Hero piped up at the monster.

"Let's pretend it isn't and just ignore it, shall we?" RGB grumbled with his hands behind his back.

"'EY ISN'T MADRAS IN THERE? MADRAS, CAN YA' HEAR ME?"

"If we don't let him in then he'll keep this racket up all day." Madras deadpanned.

"...Can we let him in?" Hero asked. The merchant gave the girl a reluctant nod of approval, ignoring RGB's flinch. Hero sprang to her feet and raced up the stairs, paying no heed to RGB's protests.

She opened the painted front door, revealing a shivering radio mic man standing in the lightly falling snow. His well loved green jacket sported generous sprinkles of the white while his toothpick thin knees knocked against each other, making a crisp _clackclackclackclackclack_ …

"'Ey there, Hero!" Dial yelled as if he had a smile beaming on his face. "Been awhile! How've ya' been? An' ya' mind if I come in?"

Hero nodded and pulled the door further back, letting the lanky monster duck inside. When she shut the door, he leaned back on the wood and let out a static filled huff.

"Brrrrr! Gosh darn, it's cold! Feel like a livin' icicle when I'm standin' still!" He carelessly brushed the snow from his clothes, littering the floor with melting snowflakes. "So where's Madras and my cuz?"

" _Not down here!_ " RGB shouted at the top of his lungs.

Hero glanced down the stairs, then back to Dial with a raised eyebrow. "...he's with Madras down there."

"Aw, the box head and sick eye are makin' love down in the lobby, eh?" Dial hollered as he followed Hero down the stairway.

"I...don't think so…" Hero replied. "Assok's sick, so we're taking care of him."

"Aw, now ain't that sweet? That ol' rascal really did pick a prize winner this time around!"

The girl raised an eyebrow, but dismissed her curiosity as she reached the bottom of the stairs.

"May I ask what are you doing here, dear cousin?" RGB did his best not to growl his words.

"Hugs first, talk later!" Dial heartily flung his lanky arms around the shorter man, firmly patting his back. RGB cringed, unwilling to return the affection.

"Great to see ya', cuz!"

"Yes...always a pleasure…"

The radio man finally pulled away and turned to Madras. Instead of forcing a hug onto her, he simply waved. "How's the House of Paint, miss merchant?"

"Could be better. And you?" She said bluntly while studying her nails, waiting for an answer.

"'sides the fact I nearly froze my butt off outside? Not too shabby!" He rubbed his metallic hands on his arms. "But I was in the neighborhood, so I figgered I'd drop on by!"

"I see…" Madras deadpanned, unable to hold back her annoyance.

"Yessiree Bob!" Dial leaned on the desk, his ON AIR light gleaming brightly. "And to warm up a bit before I head on out."

"Well, I think you're plenty warm now." RGB grabbed Dial by the shoulders and pulled him away from the desk and towards the stairs. "And I'm sure you've got people to meet and people to see-"

"Haha, whoa there cuz!" Dial dug the heels of his sneakers into the floor and spun around, plopping his hands on his cousin's broad shoulders. "I know you're busy savin' the world an' all, but why not take a break now that Imma 'round?"

"Because the world does not wait for heroes, Dial." RGB hissed while prying himself free.

"Ah, you're no fun...not even to play in the snow?"

At that phrase, Hero peeked from behind RGB's legs. Her excited eyes shone like polished crystal balls.

"Oh, looks like the little missy wants to take a little break!" Dial crouched down, his wide knees make an obtuse V. "Whadya say, miss Hero? Wanna go outside with uncle Dial for a bit?"

Hero parted her lips, then looked down sullenly. "I...I can't. Assok's sick."

As if on cue, the sock puppet sneezed from his bed. When Hero glanced at it however, she found Assok snoring softly; he had sneezed in his sleep. Hero crouched over him and gently stroked his head, earning appreciative murmurs from the sock. Then she felt an elegant hand rest on her shoulder.

"I think what Assok needs the most now is sleep, Hero." Madras whispered, careful not to wake Assok. Then, in a lower voice, added, "And getting loud mouth Dial away would definitely do everyone a favor."

The girl stood up and turned around. She stared at RGB with her best puppy-dog eyes, silently begging for permission. RGB rubbed the bottom of his TV casing, contemplating the possible risks of leaving his latest Hero under the supervision of Dial.

"C'mon, buddy!" Dial flung one arm around RGB's absent neck. "What are ya' worried 'bout? It's not like I'll let her fall offa cliff or freeze to death!"

"Your suggestions are not helping me…"

"Ah, you just can't take a joke these days, can ya'?"

RGB hissed a sigh, then looked at Hero. She still gazed at him with those big, beautiful eyes. And he remembered how she trusted Dial, and his other friends, and how it was because of that trust that she trusted _him_. Without that, he'd be hero-less, and that was the last thing he wanted.

"...Oh, fine." RGB roughly shrugged off Dial's arm as he continued. "But don't go too far, understand?"

Hero grinned, wanting to squeal with delight but not wanting to wake Assok. Dial, however, did the opposite.

" _Yee-haw!_ " He hollered and hoisted Hero up to his eye level. "Ready to have some fun, missy?"

She nodded excitedly as he shifted her into his right arm.

"Then whad' are we standin' around here for?" Dial galloped up the stairs like a kid on a sky high sugar high, guffawing the entire way, leaving RGB, Assok, and Madras alone in the lobby.

"Finally...some peace and quiet." Madras sighed, situating herself on top of her desk.

RGB remained uncharacteristically quiet and slumped against the counter.

"...you hate him with the passion of a thousand suns, don't you?"

"The rage of a million suns."

Madras chuckled as she fingered with her hair chain. "And...is that a tinge of jealousy in your voice? Worried that your country bumpkin cousin will take your hero away?"

" _Hmph_."

"Well...look on the bright side, RGB." She playfully turned him around so he could face her with a twitching antenna.

"W-what bright side?" His screen grew a bit warm at her smile-usually sarcastic, now coy.

"Assok's fast asleep, Hero and Dial are outside, so where does that leave you and me?"

"Um...alone...in your home…?"

"Precisely." She purred, and crawled a bit closer. The woman gently brushed her fingertips around RGB's head, feeling the monster shiver slightly at her touch. "Now when was the last time I had you all to myself~?"

RGB gulped back as much hesitation as he could before answering, "T...Too long…" He grinned shyly and slipped his hands around her. Madras smiled back, half affectionate and half leering, and mashed her lips into his screen without a second thought.

* * *

The snow came up to Hero's ankles, the perfect height. With a squeal, she scooped up a handful of the sugar white powder and flung it into the air. Hundreds of flakes flew on top of her like confetti.

"Hey, Hero!"

"Wha-" _POW!_

"Haha! Snowball fight!" Dial cheered and readied another snowball in his hands. Even missing two fingers total, he still formed a perfectly hard, round sphere out of the snow. Just when he raised his arm to throw it, he saw how Hero covered her face where the previous projective hit her.

"Eh? Missy…? You alright?" Dial dropped his snowball, walked towards her, and knelt to her level. "I didn' hurt ya' with that last one, did I?"

Hero remained still, and Dial leaned a bit closer in worried curiosity. "'Ey, little missy, say someth-"

In the span of a brief second, he saw Hero flash a mischievous grin before shoving two handfuls of icy snow into his mic, letting it slip down his white, grimy shirt.

"GAHK-THAT AIN'T FAIR, MISSY!" Dial barked and hastily grabbed an armful of the cold, white powder. "NOW YOU GIT BACK HERE! I'VE GOT A LITTLE SOMETHIN' FOR YA!"

The girl laughed as she galloped away. Dial ran after her, but despite his long legs, Hero managed to outrun him. In a final attempt to capture her, he leaped forward and flung his snow in her direction. Only a few clumps grazed her hoodie, however, and he fell face first in the snow in defeat.

Hero turned around with a triumphant laugh. Meanwhile, the beanpole monster grunted, rolled over, and sighed. "Yer a fast little bugger, ain't ya?"

The girl bent over her stomach as she cracked up. She laughed so hard she lost her balance and fell into the snow next to Dial.

Chuckling, the man sprawled his limbs out and waved them back and forth in the snow. "'Ey, look! Imma snow angel!"

"Me, too! Haha!" Hero chimed and did the same. When their arms and legs felt numb, they got up from the ground to examine their work. While Hero's angel looked like a traditional one, Dial's overly long imprint looked more like an alien mark, especially with the bizarre shape his radio mic head made.

"I jus' wish it didn't fill my jacket with so much of this stuff," Dial said as he brushed snow off the back of his legs.

"Whatcha wanna do now?" Hero asked.

"Dunno, I'm up for anything you want."

"Oh, okay, um…" She thought for a moment, staring at the snow covering her boots. "...Do you wanna build a snowman?"

"Sounds like a swell idea t'me!" Dial rubbed his hands together. "Let's get buildin'!" He scooped up some snow, patted it into a ball, and rolled it on the ground. Hero did the same, watching her tiny lump grow bigger.

"Can we make two?"

"Don' see why not! How 'bout a snowman and a snowwoman?"

"Yea-wait…" Hero paused.

"What? Don' wanna do two snowpeeps?"

"No! Just…" She stood up from her snowball. "I've seen other kids do it back home, but the snowman and snowwoman always look the same."

"Come to think of it, snowmen don' really look like people, do they?" Dial placed one foot on his snowball like a soccer player in thought. "Jus' three balls of snow stacked up on toppa each other. Heck, they don' even have any distinguishin' body parts!"

"Huh?" Hero tilted her head.

Dial looked at Hero for a second. "...Oh yeah, you probably haven't learned 'bout that stuff yet. How men an' women have different bodies."

"Like height?"

"Nah, I'm talking 'bout...actually, y'know what? This might be a ripe ol' time to teach ya some important life stuff! Missy, get some more snow, it's time for a little anatomy lesson!"

* * *

RGB sat crossed legged in front of the fire, next to Assok's miniature bed, with Madras tangled into his lap. Above the crackling chuckle of the fire, Madras heard the monster's steady breathing as he gently combed her pink hair with his fingers. Sighing, she snuggled a bit deeper into his chest.

"Just don't fall asleep on me." RGB murmured.

"RGB, you've said that at least a dozen times." Madras huffed, clutching one of his lapels. "I promise you I will absolutely, positively, NOT fall asleep." She drew seductive swirls into his chest as she paused. "...but _you_ can, if you like…"

"And put myself in the ideal position for you to do who knows what to my telly? No thank you." RGB smirked, letting magenta ink flow out.

"What are you afraid of, that I'd cover that perfect, polished screen of yours with lipstick stains?"

"If I fell asleep, then that would be a legitimate threat."

RGB felt a single finger drift up the base of his TV and slid slowly to his chin. Madras lifted her head and hummed, "Who said it isn't a threat when you're awake, though?"

"Ai sae!"

The couple immediately flinched as they looked at Assok, now wide awake, staring at them from beneath the warm blanket. He blinked at them innocently with a childlike smile.

"Now kee-ss!"

RGB and Madras remained silent for a minute before they broke into giggling fits. The cyclops buried her head into the monster's chest while he bent over her laughing as well.

" _Pffk_ -w-where did _that_ come from?" Madras asked as she brought her head away, tearing up a bit.

"S-some program Hero and Assok must have watched on my telly, I suppose." RGB suggested while wiping away Madras's happy tears.

"Whare 'ero?" Assok chirped before he sneezed.

"Outside with Dial." RGB said, then added, "Hopefully not getting into trouble."

"One way to find out," Madras untangled herself from RGB and stood up. "No harm in checking on them." While straightening out her plaid sweater, she walked to the stairs. Out of curiosity and mild worry, RGB followed her, hoping a quick peek would vanquish his fears, leaving him and Madras to resume where they were.

The woman found her way to a tall window facing the front of the house. She parted the pastel green curtains and looked through the glass. Her eye widened.

"...wh...what…?"

"W-what's the matter?" RGB stiffened, a thousand possibilities of playtime in the snow gone wrong galloping through his circuits. "Dial hasn't gone and done something stupid with Hero, has he?"

Madras paid no attention to RGB, instead shoving the curtains away and slamming the window open. As chilly air gushed inside, she stuck her head out and shouted, "Hero! Dial! _What in Time's name do you think you're doing?!_ "

"What? What are they doing?" RGB looked over her head to the outside, seeing the horror she saw. "...wh...wha…a-are they doing what I think they're doing?"

"They are, and they can't hear me from here." Madras whipped around. "Put that big mouth of yours to good use and tell them to stop!"

RGB didn't need to be told twice; he reached for his volume dial and turned it to the max. Then he stuck his head out the window again. "HERO! DIAL! STOP BUILDING THOSE RIDICULOUS THINGS THIS INSTANT!"

Down the outside stairs and in the snow, Hero and Dial went on with their snowmen building business without worry. RGB even saw the girl point at one of them and tell Dial something. He responded by expressively waving his hand as he replied.

"DAMMIT!" He leaned back inside with a frustrated frown. "THEY CAN'T HEAR ME!"

"I can see that RGB, so turn your volume back down." Madras commanded with her hands clamped over her ears.

"OH." RGB turned his black dial to its initial position. "Sorry."

Madras didn't acknowledge his apology, however; by the time his voice was back to normal, she already had one foot out the door.

* * *

Hero stared at the two new snow sculptures with curiosity and amazement. Both looked more like people than the typical snowman, and each _clearly_ resembled their respective sex, thanks to the extra lumps of snow in the appropriate places. (Or inappropriate to some.)

"Now _these_ ar' snowpeeps!" Dial declared into the chilly air proudly. "These fellas actually _look_ like people! So watcha think, little missy?"

"They look...uh…um..." Hero searched her mind for the right-and polite-word.

"It's okay to be honest, Hero." The man patted her on the shoulder reassuringly. "I know this all may be as shockin' as a lightenin' bolt on a clear day, but if ya gotta question, then go onnahead and shoot. I don' mind a bit!"

"...weird." She finally said.

Dial let out a laugh and slapped his knee. "Yep, that's one way of puttin' it!"

"Why are they like that?" Hero asked while pointing at their creations, more to the masculine one.

"Mother Nature's idea's of practical, I guess. I think the science-y word for it is...is...now what was it…?" Then he snapped his rust colored fingers. "Oh yeah, evoh-lootion!"

"Ev-oh-loo-shun...?"

"Somethin' like that. Science never was my strongest subject…" Dial rubbed his ON AIR light a bit sheepishly. "O'course, these snowfolk are jus' average snowfolk. Everyone's bod' is a bit different."

"Like height?"

"Not jus' height, missy," He strolled over to stand between their icy creations. "No two peeps look alike, and each and every one of 'em is purty in their own way. Some girls are taller than mountains, some men make dwarfs look like giants…some have funny shaped bod's, some look like walking street lamps-like me!" Dial jabbed his thumbs into his chest pridefully.

"...what will I look like?" Hero clutched her hoodie, nervous of the potential inside her body. "I-I mean...when I'm older?"

"Heck, beats me. Only Time 'll tell." The monster paused. ""..but I reckon you'll be a mighty gorgeous lady!" As Hero blushed at his compliment, he muttered under his breath, "...if you live that long, that is…"

"Hm?"

"Oh-er- _ahem!_ Back to the point, everyone's bod is purty in their own way. Includin' in these areas!" Dial gestured to the extra lumps of snow protruding from the snowmen. "Let's do ladies first; see this snowwoman's chest?"

Hero nodded, staring.

"Some ladies have bigger chests, some have smaller, some none at all, and some may just have half!" Dial gently knocked off one of the two lumps on the snowwoman's chest, giving her an uneven look. "But that doesn't make 'em any less beautiful got it?"

"Uh-huh!"

"And it's the same story for the males!" Dial waved to the snowman. "'specially down here!" He pointed at the groin area. "See this part here? Some guys have long ones, some have short ones, but that doesn't make them any more or less handsome! Ya' got it?"

"Uh-huh!" Hero paused and bit her lip before asking, "...do... _you_ have one?"

"Used to. Frankly can't remember how long it was, though." Dial shifted his weight on his legs and chuckled, "Bet you thought I had one made outta pipes and metal, eh?"

The girl nodded while muffling her laugh with her hands to her mouth.

"This spot hurts like heck if you twist or kick it, so if you ever come across a man harassin' ya', then you know where to aim your dukes."

"...so...would that work on RGB, then?"

"Him? Eh…I dunno..." Dial thought for a moment, holding a staring contest with the dull blue sky. "Not sure if he has anythin' under those fancy pants of his, but who knows. Madras might know…" He scratched the lower rim of his mic.

"Hm...okay!" Hero nodded.

"Great! Glad to know ol' uncle Dial was able to teach ya' some-"

" _Hero! Dial!_ "

The duo spun around to the voice of Madras, panting for her breath after walking down the long stairway as fast as she could.

"Stop what you're doing and kick those snowmen down _now!_ "

"Why?" Hero stepped forward. "J-Just because they don't have perfect bodies doesn't make them any less beautiful!"

"You tell 'er, little missy!" Dial chimed, overjoyed at his teaching success. "Besides, these fellas look like actual people! Not jus' boring piles of overgrown snowballs!"

"I don't care. I'm not having anatomically correct snowmen in my front yard." Madras scowled. "They'll scare away potential customers."

"No they won't!" Hero protested. "They-They're works of art!"

Madras sighed. "As much as I appreciate the work you've put into them," she spared a wistful glance at the masculine model, "I know bad advertising when I see it. And I want them gone."

"Aw, Madr-"

" _Now._ " She hissed. Taking a deep breath she turned her back to them. "I am going to turn around in ten seconds. When I do, I had better _not_ see those snowmen." Even with her back turned, her presence still commanded authority...and the eye of her shadow narrowing sternly at them did not make the cyclops any less intimidating.

After Dial gulped (how that was possible no one knew), he grabbed Hero by the arm and croaked, "W-well, no arguin' with that logic, ha ha! C'mon, missy, let's say goodbye to these fellas and send them to snowman heaven!"

"O-Okay!"

When Dial released her, she immediately pushed her body into the snowwomman, shoving it to the ground where it crumbled into an indistinguishable heap.

"Sorry…" She whispered at the snow as Dial kicked down the snowman. He brushed his palms together as if just completing a dirty job, but conveyed a silent apology with the slight stoop in his normally straight, cherry posture.

"Good riddance," came a familiar, baritone british voice. Hero turned to the stairway, seeing the very worst monster march towards them.

"'Ey, cuz! How's it-"

"Dial, what on earth possessed you to encourage Hero to make these _preposterous_ snowmen?!" RGB fumed. You could almost see the steam leak out of his vents in rage. "Did some half-baked idea come along and bite your leg?"

"Calm down, jeebs! Why so high strung? Did we interrupt you and one eye making cyclops babies or what?" Dial chuckled while RGB tightened his fists in embarrassment.

"One, that is biologically impossible; Two, I would never suggesting doing something as lewd as that; Three-"

"D'aw, bein' the perfect little gent', eh?"

As the two monsters barked back and forth, Hero inched away to Madras, not sure what else to do. The woman whispered into her ear, "You go back inside. I'll handle these two. Besides, Assok might be getting lonely."

"O-okay…" Hero crept away from the scene, and then dashed up the stairs. She didn't understand what was wrong with Dial's little lesson, but she found it interesting. Plus, she learned of a possible way to defend herself against RGB, the insincere guide. Now _that_ was something to remember. Perhaps that's why RGB was so upset.

With a secretive smile, Hero continued to run up the stairs to The House of Paint, where she would tell of her new found knowledge to Assok.

* * *

 **AN: Whoa, getting Dial's accent down was tricky. And you can blame the cyclops babies part on my friend mahotou XD**


End file.
